No one to do things with? How to stop waiting for others
Quick answer: Have no one to do things with? Start with what you want to do and choose settings where it feels natural to come on your own. Courses, groups, communities and organised activities let you do more of what you enjoy – and meet new people along the way. “Can’t make it that weekend.” “I have the kids then.” “Let’s do it another time.” And so it didn’t happen. Again. You wanted to go to the concert, try that restaurant, start playing padel or get away for the weekend. But no one could come with you. It’s easy to end up there. Everything you want to do starts with the question: Who am I going to do it with? But what if you turned that around?
Stop letting other people’s calendars control your life
As an adult, it can be surprisingly difficult to find a time when everyone is free. Someone has the kids. Someone is working. Someone is away. Someone would love to – in six weeks. That doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. But if everything you want to do depends on someone else being free too, a lot of it may never happen. So try changing the question. Instead of: Who can I do something with this weekend? ask: What would I actually like to do this weekend? Start there.
Do some things on your own – and others with new people
Not everything requires company. Museums, cinemas, cafés, walks and exhibitions can be just as enjoyable on your own. But you don’t have to choose between bringing a friend and doing everything alone. There’s a third option: Come on your own to something you do together with others. Courses, training groups, workshops, clubs and organised activities are settings where you don’t need to know anyone beforehand. You cook. Run. Play pétanque. Hike. Paint. Go to a quiz. The activity gives you both something to do and something to talk about.
Find people who enjoy the same things
We often automatically think of our existing friends when we want to do something. But the same person doesn’t have to be the one you go to restaurants, travel, run and play padel with. If none of your friends enjoy hiking, you don’t necessarily need to convince them to start. Find people who already enjoy it. It’s a small but important shift: from “who do I know who could come with me?” to “where can I find people who want to do the same thing?” If you want to bring more people into your life, read How do you meet new people as an adult?.
Coming on your own isn’t the same as being alone
You can arrive at an activity on your own and ten minutes later find yourself in the middle of a group of people you’ve never met before. That’s why the setting matters so much. In a group activity, there’s already a natural reason to talk to each other. And often, it’s those first few minutes that feel the most nerve-racking. Also read Coming to a singles activity on your own – how to make it feel less nerve-racking.
If you’re single, the question can sometimes feel even more relevant
When you’re single, you don’t always have an obvious plus-one for dinner, a trip or a concert. And if many of your friends are in relationships or have families, your calendars can look very different. But a fulfilling life doesn’t have to begin the day you meet a partner. You can start doing more of what you enjoy now. Read more in Life as a single person – how to create a life you enjoy.
Do something you enjoy – meet someone you like
This is also one of the ideas behind MinglMe. MinglMe is The Singles Social Club – a community where singles meet through activities and experiences in real life. You don’t need to find someone to bring with you. You choose something you want to do and come on your own. The other participants do the same. It could be cooking, pétanque, padel, culture, outdoor activities or other social experiences. Everyone is single, and you meet as a group. Maybe you’ll meet someone you’re curious about. Maybe you’ll find people you’d like to do more things with. Either way, you’ve done something you wanted to do. Do something you enjoy. Meet someone you like.
